So,
I guess my first post on my new blog is going to be about God -- my First
Love. I think I can finally say that now without feeling like I'm lying,
Lol. You know how, as a Christian, we are taught (OVER and OVER again)
that God is supposed to be our very first love. Well, I don't think
that's something that you can teach. In fact, I think a lot of things in
this Christian journey need to come from personal experience and/or revelation
before it can truly become a reality. At least that has been my experience.
So many sayings and things that have come across to me as clichés have become
recent realities in my life. It is amazing the amount of truth that lies
within a seemingly overused saying. I'm guessing these sayings are
"overused" because, well, they're true. Somebody's getting the
point, Lol. I guess I just got a lot of them ... late.
Anyhow,
I am at a very interesting point in my life. I am at a place where I am
experiencing God's love like never before, and It's absolutely amazing.
For the first time (like ever) I am actually content in this life as a single
woman. I honestly never thought that was possible. And for all
those many women who spoke of such a place, I thought they were either lying or
hallucinating. I am realizing more and more that one truly can be whole
as a single. You really can be happy, satisfied and full of life as a
single person. You CAN live a pure and holy life in this world and in
today's society. You don't have to slip and fall every two seconds.
Victory is possible.
I
remember a time (that was not too long ago) God was dealing with me about a
relational choice I had made. He was NOT happy with it! He had no
problem in letting me know how he felt about it! During that situation, I
finally began to realize how seriously God takes us --His Beloved, His
creation. I also began to learn that...He really is jealous for us.
He wants ALL of us -- our whole, entire heart. That was very hard for me
to understand at one time, but I think it's finally beginning to sink
in.
I
am seeing that this whole salvation thing really is like a
"passport", if you will, that allows you to enter into a real
relationship with...God. Salvation is truly reconciliation. And
Christ -- Jesus -- is the only "passport" by which reconciliation is
made possible. Jesus is the way by which we are reconnected to the God
with whom we were originally meant to be in fellowship with. We
were MADE to be loved by Him. We were MADE to know Him, to walk in the
cool of the day with Him, to talk with Him, to fellowship with Him, to chill
with Him... etc. We were made FOR him. I am soo blown away by
that. The God that created the entire universe... wants me. And guess what? He wants
you too.
This
point sinks in even more as I think about creation and living things -- trees,
oceans, birds, animals, plants, etc. the Bible says that God spoke these things
into existence. But, when he made man, He created man in His image.
We were formed by His very own hands, not spoken into existence. And
THEN, after man was formed, God breathed his very breath into man and man
became a living being. "The
LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his
nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being" (Genesis
2:7 NIV). OMG... that right there is LOVE baby. Man is the only
living thing on the face of the earth that has been created in the image of
God!!!! Yow! We are special. "O
LORD, what is man that you care for him, the son of man that you think of
him?" (Psalm 144:3 NIV). "O
LORD, what are human beings that you should notice them, mere mortals that you
should think about them?" (Psalm 144:3 NLT).
There
is also this one section of text that blows me away every time I read it.
I'll share it with you. It's from a book called Firm Foundation by Bob
and Rose Weiner:
God created all of this magnificent beauty with just the sound of His
voice. But when God
created man, He formed him in His very own image and breathed into him His very
life. And
all this was because God's greatest desire was to have a family to share His
likeness, to have
someone He could dream with and share His life, love and plans. The whole
created universe was a
giant birthday gift for His beloved.
Every time I read that text, I am blown away. It just
reminds me time and again that ... God loves me. And he loved me BEFORE I
became a Christian and/or accepted Christ. He loved me while I was yet
STILL a sinner, while I was SINNING and DID NOT KNOW Him!! "You see, at
just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the
ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a
righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die.
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While
we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:6-8).
God is awesome. Point
blank. I think soo many (too many) people have just been hurt and lied
to, and I think those experiences jade our view and understanding of God and
who He really is. Because, let me tell you, if you really encountered God
and understood his passionate love for you -- someone He created to love and be
with -- would you really turn away? I think I have the grounds, right and
authority to speak on this considering that, at one point in my life, I wanted
to be an atheist. Yes, me. I wanted to be an atheist.
Why? Because I was hurt and confused. Someone LIED to me BIG
TIME!!!! I was frustrated and PISSED! I was tired of trying to figure
out what was true. I gave my life to Christ at an early (and I mean
early) age. I went to church, had Christian friends and did all the
Christian stuff. It was my life. Somewhere, later in my adult
years, I began to see that not everything I had been taught was true...and it
nearly devastated me. I did not know anything else. I had no other
way to live... This was it. So, what was I supposed to do? I was
serious when I came to Christ (or accepted Jesus as my Lord/Savior) as a
child. I didn't have "one foot in the church and the other in the
world" as "they" used to say. No. I was ALL in. It
was not a game for me.
So, as I realized that what had
been taught to me in my formative years was a bunch of truth mixed with a bunch
of lies, I did not know how to separate what was true from that which was the
lie. I instantly began to doubt EVERYTHING I had ever been taught and I
questioned EVERYTHING I (thought I) believed. I even doubted my
salvation. I mean, how did I know THAT was true!?!?! It was that
bad. It got to the point where I became very depressed. I could not
function one day to the next. I lived in fear every day with thoughts of
eternal damnation consuming my mind. Finally, I just got tired of being
afraid of where I would ultimately end up in life and after. I was tired
of living in fear and depression. I decided that if I just didn't believe
anything, maybe this would all just go away. So, I had decided that I
just would not believe. Maybe that way I could actually be happy and just
move on and live my little life. I had decided that it would just be
easier to not believe in God than to try to figure out what was true and
decipher the truth from the lie.
The only thing that kept me during
this very dark time in my life was the actual relationship I had build with God
before my walls came crumbling down. While I was going to church and
doing all my wonderful Christian things as a youth, I was also developing a
real relationship with the Father. So, when I saw other people messing up
and falling away, it did not affect me much. I knew they were mere men
and God was God. Just because they messed up did not mean God was not
real and it didn't provide an excuse for me to go astray. But, what did
shake my faith was knowing that an undetermined amount of things I believed
could have possibly been a straight lie due to flat out BAD teaching.
I'll never forget the night that I
sat on the floor beside my bed with the Bible laying in front of me. I
got right down to the nitty gritty and asked God, "How do I know Jesus
(really) died on the cross to save me from my sins? All I have is this
Bible that was written X amount of years ago and what some man behind a pulpit
told me." That night, the Word (or scripture) that I had hidden in
my heart “spoke back to me” so to speak.
It was as if God spoke His very word (or scripture) to my heart, providing me with the answer. And it was an answer that I could not
refute. I asked another question to God -- a question that I do not
remember -- and the same thing happened again. He spoke His word back to
me...and it provided an answer that I could not refute. I asked one last
question and my interrogation was over. That night, God spoke to
me. It wasn't spooky. It wasn't loud or
"earth-shattering". He simply reminded me of what His word
(already) says...and I believed it. I could not refute it.
That night, I made a decision in my
heart that the Bible is the final authority and that it would be The Final
authority in my life. Period.
The Bible says in Romans 10:9, "If you declare with your mouth, ’Jesus is
Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be
saved” (NIV). That night, I chose to believe that. I had
already declared Jesus as Lord and believed in my heart that God had raised
Jesus from death. I had already accepted Christ into my life as my Lord
and Savior. So, that night, I decided that I was going to believe what
The Word said. And that night, I went to sleep assured of my salvation.
That night, I chose to believe.
I woke up the next morning with so
much peace (of mind!!!). It felt soo good to believe. I'll never forget
the contrast of believing and not believing. There was soo much darkness,
fear and depression in not believing. But there is soo much peace and joy
that comes along with believing! I'll never forget the way I felt when I
woke up the next morning -- never. It felt soo good, soo very good, to
just believe.
And that my friends, is where the
journey begins...